Feelings of impending doom

Torrents of rain and hours of gloom tend to depress me and give me feelings of impending doom. Let me count the ways...
- small ants are back in the kitchen
- tenants have given notice that they are moving
- Ceiling is wet with leaks
- doubting all of my decisions (thank God I didn't have to have jury duty!)
- this is the second day I have not exercised (country western dancing tonight?)
- heat (oil) still needed
- it will be gloomy and rainy for art class tomorrow
- neighbors with annoying barking dog have now gotten a SECOND dog

There must be some reasons to be happy...
- my grandmother is being honored tonight
- I finally got ahold of someone I have been trying to get ahold of for a good long time
- neighbors who had the most annoying barking dog may be moving?
- weight went down overnight

Which is worse, high blood pressure or slow resting heart rate?

So, I stopped taking my blood pressure pill as it was making my heart rate too slow. Now my blood pressure is too high. Darn, I thought maybe I was overcoming HBP with my modicum of weight loss and my pathetic, half-hearted efforts to exercise. Jeez...when you get to be 66 you just think about all of the things that can go wrong. And you see them happening to many of the people around you, even the ones YOUNGER than 66.

Taking an art class. I guess I like it. It is nice to get involved in something for three hours and I have noticed that I don't think about EATING during this time. I do, however, have a lot of competition anxiety. I don't think I am very good at it and have already mentally moved on to the next project. That is one reason I don't want to go out and spend a lot of money on fancy art supplies. Yes, my materials are possibly limiting what I am able to accomplish. Today I painted a sunset that I took a picture of down at Bivalve the other night. Now, I need to think of a project for NEXT week. Every week that I have been there the day has been sunny and gorgeous. And today a woman who fell down with a stroke a couple of weeks ago was BACK and none the worse for the wear. The nurse who had guided the rescue crew went home and painted her a picture and presented it to her in a frame today. After the class, I went out in back of the barn and relaxed by the pond. Was taking my "Vitamin D bath" and waiting for my watercolor to dry. Enjoyed greatly the sounds....wind chimes in the trees, waterfall fountain in the pond, wind blowing through the bamboo trees. Add to that the heavenly odors and another artist painting a fabulous pink flowered tree. It was rather heavenly!

On my way home soon. It is a struggle to get to spend time at home so I can read and organize (ha ha) and look out the windows at the sunny day. I was supposed to have a French club meeting tonight but one and then another dropped out so we ended up rescheduling it. I am just as glad as I had too many activities today. Started off with arthritis class at 8 AM, then art class, then a substantial lunch at the Olympia Greek restaurant, then chiropractor and massage, and now computer time at the Millville Public Library. It is a difficult life (not). I guess I should feel guilty about all of my self-indulgence, but, hey, don't I deserve it?

Bollywood dance class

Went to a one hour class on Bollywood dancing at the Vineland Public Library. The teacher was in casual clothes and taught us the steps slowly. I had the usual problems of remembering all of the moves and doing some of them. I am not too good at jumping and doing things fast. The class seemed lost on the really young and the really old. The teacher kept giving us positive reinforcement ("Good job!") even though she wasn't really watching us. Some little girls were acting crazy (what did THEY have to eat?) and I couldn't keep myself from speaking to them..."Girls...we are TRYING to concentrate here". The teacher thanked me, but the mother was oblivious to their distracting behavior. One little plump boy tumbled to the ground, more than once. His explanation was, "I am not used to standing on my tip toes."

Don't know much about mythology : everything you need to know about the greatest stories in human history but never learned (book), by Kenneth C. Davis: This was a fascinating book. In the end, too many gods for me to remember, but interesting to see the similarities between various myths and religions. I was interested also to learn things that might come in handy while doing crossword puzzles. And there were some good quotes.

People around me are trashing Ancestry.com. Woman can't find name of her family in the newspaper database...she has found the names using newsbank which is supposed to be linked to Ancestry. Very frustrating interaction with customer support. She thought the woman was an idiot. My experience with Ancestry was to find my grandmother linked to the wrong parents! They even included a photograph of her gravestone, which I have visited. THAT is scary!

Feeling like a sausage again

I have lost the feel for losing weight. Clothes are getting tight again. It is just so much work and deprivation to eat the right things.

Have NOTHING check out on my library card right now. THAT feels weird. Resisting the impulse to pick something up. I need to concentrate on the 5 books I am reading right now before I get one more.

Murder of a stacked librarian (book), by Denise Swanson: Picked this up as I thought it was a library series. Instead, it turned out to be a murder series. Just happened to be a librarian this time. I found that I have read her before. About an investigator who lives in a small town and has a lot of relatives. Usually, she is deciding amongst various men, but now she has married one. Most of the chapter titles had something to do with books. The murdered woman was a stickler for the rules, libraries being just one of the places where she exerted her wrist slapping behavior. So, there were a bunch of people who she pissed off.

Every pose is not for every body

So says my Yoga instructor. It was good to be back at Yoga today. What a good way to start out the week....with a Yoga class at 10:30 AM on a Monday. A co-worker asked me how I get out of bed being retired. I realized I have something to do every day of the week that gets me up and out. Lazing about in pajamas has only been a "problem" a few days.

I am in the cocoon which is the computer lab at the Ocean City Public Library. Good things are nicely behaved people and you can have up to three hours of computer time. I don't mind asking dumb questions since I don't know anybody. I always feel like I am being a PAIN at the local libraries where I know everyone. Hope I don't forget to pick up my book, which is the reason I came down here. For the price of the gas, I could have BOUGHT the book, French women don't get facelifts.

Tried to go for walk on the beach, but it was mighty windy and cold, as I might have expected. Beautiful, nonetheless. Walked for about ten minutes with shoes on. Ankle felt OK, but felt a twinge in the right hip by the end. I don't want to be one of those people who has a hip or knee replaced or has to have a triple bypass. All of that would be HIGHLY inconvenient since I am a single lady living on the second floor.

Spring has sprung

Such a delight to walk outside and see sprouts on the trees. Even on my dogwood about that I suspected of being dead the other day. OK, I only have ONE daffodil on all of those green sprouts in the back yard, but now I know they ARE supposed to be daffodils.

Under the Tuscan sun (book), by Frances Mayes - I REread this book in anticipation of trip to Italy this May. Getting in the mood for something old and charming. About a couple who buys an old house in Tuscany (wasn't it a SINGLE woman in the movie?) They spend a fortune on renovations and are back at work in California much of the time. Goes into detail about construction gone wrong and wonderful meals and exploring trips.

Tomorrow is Easter. Playing the chimes and singing three songs with the choir. Gotta come up with something pastel-like to wear. Looking forward to the flowers and perhaps a taste of Easter candy? Not so much fun since our local candy store went out of business.

35 million of us

This is now many people are filing at the last minute. This is how I have been every year of my life. It really ruins the days approaching April 15th. Tax preparation, like cooking dinner, can expand to fill up all of the available time. I did it and redid it and had great nashing of teeth, alternating between thinking it was IMPOSSIBLE for me to do and then perhaps possible. I just don't like the RESULTS...as in owing almost $4000. BUT, I am going to pretend I didn't notice that you should pay penalties for this. (Isn't that just like adding INSULT to INJURY!)
All is not lost. I shall proceed to ask Social Security to take hundreds of dollars from my measly paycheck each month so that I can come out perhaps about even next year. Came to the library and attempted TaxAct, a free service. But I kept going around in circles and getting sort of like error messages. Then I switched over to fillable forms, but that got on my nerves, too. SO, I am back to copying each form over in blue or black ink and sending it by US mail. See, once I go online, I will no longer receive the booklet in the mail and I really look forward to reading the booklets from cover to cover (twice).

The museum of extraordinary things (book), by Alice Hoffman. Liked the title and I like all fiction writers with the first name of Alice although I have trouble telling one from the other. The book takes place in the New York of the early 1900's and the Hudson River figures prominently. Also freak shows and the Triangle shirt waist fire and mean fathers and daughters who swim like mermaids and want more out of life.

Today went on an excursion with some friends...to the National Archives of Philadelphia (a well kept secret) and to the Reading terminal market. We went to see an art exhibit called Archives alchemy. The archives was getting rid of a lot of stuff...books, papers, microfilm. They donated it to an artist group called the Dumpster divers and suggested that they make ART from those materials. My friend had one of the best ones.....they really used to wrap things in cotton and secure them with cotton RED TAPE. She somehow got words on the red tape and hung it like a door screen, weighted down with US and foreign coins. It was called, "No scissors sharp enough to cut the red tape of immigration". There was a lamp decorated with microfilm and microfilm reels going all up the pole. The exhibit has been extended until the summer and the end will coincide with the closing of this branch of the archives. They will be merging with another location which is in some far away Northeast section of Philly. A handful of archive locations are being closed down for budget cutting. Sad.

The masochism that is doing your own taxes

Why am I doing this? Is it FUN reading the booklets from cover to cover each year, twice? Am I good at math? No, no and no. Double checking my numbers in order to get the amount down that I owe, I am only finding mistakes that take me in the wrong direction. Certain mind fucks like....why do I have to pay taxes on dividends and gains NOW and then again when I cash them in? It seems wrong, so wrong. Just learned about a new form, 8949, so you can summarize from this one onto schedule D. Why did I ever think that my life would get less complicated after retirement? It still seems to be getting worse every year. I seem to owe over $3000 and that is giving me a royal pain in the ass.

We are water (audiobook), by Wally Lamb: It seemed way too long. Excruciating in spots and I wanted it to be over. Then it got OK again. Story is told from too many viewpoints and jumps around in time. First I liked it as it just went from husband to wife and you saw how they got to be the way they are. Then the kids got into it and the new girlfriend and the evil cousin. The basic theme is family secrets and how they mess up generations of people. I felt a bit more sympathetic when I listened to the interview with the author and found that he teaches writing in a women's prison and has second-hand knowledge of abuse issues with a great proportion of the prison population.

Warm today, too warm. We had guests at breakfast, which was very nice since out breakfast club has been decimated by illness and death. Sat out in the back yard as I ate my lunch and was pleased to hear only birds and cars, no barking dogs or cursing neighbors. My neighbor left me a variety of gorgeous daffoduls in a honey jar. He's a sweetie.

ERRANDS...(what I do best)

Recent legal news about a photography company which is being FORCED to take pictures at a gay wedding. Why would you even WANT someone opposed to gay marriage to be photographing you? How could they even do a good job?

Tao: Phoenix rising (performance group): Japanese drumming including dance, cymbals, flute, costumes. It was truly special. High energy made me want to go to Japanese drumming camp (if there only was one!) I loved the whole androgyny thing they had going...all part of the tao. White and black, good and evil, feminine and masculine, positive and negative. All things are really their opposite or eventually get back around to that. I loved the women not acting ladylike: dressed in gorgeous floor length white gowns with bustles and slamming the drums with all of their strength. Men with long hair dressed in skirts. Touring from Japsn and passing through Vineland, New Jersey. I thought of about 20 people I should have invited, who would have loved it.

Amish businesses have a 95% success rate and they only have an 8th grade education. What is the secret of their success?

Crossing three things off of my list

Got online - a daily need (like sunshine). Completed arthritis class this AM. The good thing about an 8 AM exercise class is that you can cross it off the list. A friend took me out to breakfast and then we went to see the Muppets most wanted movie. Seeing a movie is a weekly goal of mine.

Big beat Miami 2014 (album), by David Guetta and a lot of friends. Enjoyable as techno background but no songs that really speak to me and say SAVE ME on Youtube.

Muppets most wanted (movie): Funny with lots of famous people on for about 3 minutes each and good songs. Then I went to Hoopla and was able to borrow the album, which made me very happy. Nice seeing the Muppets travel around the world as I like seeing the world. Went with a friend to the early show (11:35 AM) and we were the only people in there so we could laugh as loudly as we wanted to without bothering anyone. It is very disorienting to come out of the movie theater and it is only the middle of the afternoon. Particularly enjoyed Tina Fey. Usher was....an usher. We had to get the popcorn, even though we had just had breakfast, because it was $2 popcorn Tuesday.

Am I multitasking?

Trying to listen to an album by David Guetta while writing. Very dance beat and techno. Song is Shot me down. On the album Big beat Miami 2014. As close as I am going to come to nightclubbing in Miami. He is of the DJ era...not sure what he actually DOES.

Enjoying using my own laptop at the Cumberland County Library. Their computers are getting so old, so slow and so undependable, that I can hardly use them.

Hoopla: New library service where you can borrow music, audiobooks, television and movies. I am enjoying the ability to borrow and listen to entire albums....what an old-fashioned concept!

Growing up Amish, by Ira Wagler: Learned a few things but, really, this book just went around in circles and wasn't very compelling. An Amish boy feels like leaving the community, so he does and eventually returns, again and again and again. I selected this from the system Overdrive (also provided through the library) because of all the Amish markets around here.

On the turntable....

A feature I like from a Japanese blog I follow. Less glamorously, I only listen to music on Youtube....right now original With a little help from my friends, by Joe Cocker at Woodstock. Boy, what was he ON?

El mariachi (movie): Saw at Cinema series at the Bridgeton Public Library. Way too violent for my current day tastes, but the protagonist was charming and innocent and was forced through a case of mistaken identity to kill a lot of people who were trying to kill him. I saw it when it came out in the early 90's at the Philadelphia film festival.

Enjoyed Amish market yesterday. Breakfast and then ran into a bunch of people I knew. Quite a pleasant place. The Amish are so restful..which is weird cause I know they work very hard.

Where does the time go?

No time to exercise today. Getting worried due to upcoming trip to Italy. Will I be able to keep up, handle it? Old, charming stuff....I love it. BUT...hard to be away from my car...walking, walking, walking and lots of hills. I can hardly walk up the steps to the second floor without getting winded. Must lose some weight and go into training. (Also getting nervous about spending, spending, spending)

Well, I WAS "busy" all day. Stopped by my doctor's office to get tested for thyroid level. Then got some cheap gas, only $3.25 a gallon. COuldn't resist! A bit late to my art class. I did a nice drawing of a glass pitcher of daffodils and a plate of fruit (apples and pears). The watercolor I did was less successful. Tried to do another glass pitcher with tulips. Teacher complimented me but then wanted me to "complete" the background. I think I ruined it. I am a very hesistant painter. Working small and constrained. When I went to paint, I had lost my paints...left them there last week. So then I stopped by the Bagel place and had an onion bagel sandwich with shrimp salad. Not that great and quite expensive. Next, to the chiropractor where I had a substitute massage person. She did it so slowly, I wasn't sure she was going to accomplish much in 1/2 hour. Also music was dirge-like. Then stopped by the new Shoprite for something different. This resulted in my being lost. And ran into an old patron who used to sing to me in Spanish and ask me out in the library. Then was tired and could not resist driving through the McDonalds to get a chocolate milkshake. Next home to rest for an hour. Listening to the radio (NPR) was not so restful so I had to turn it off. Rather difficult to get up out of the bed to come to the library but now that I am listening to Youtube and printing out some essential paperwork, I am glad I did. Really came out to be supportive of cinema series. GOing to the basement to sit in a hard chair and watch El mariachi, which I already saw many years ago at the Philadelphia film festival.

I shouldn't have hugged all of those senior citizens yesterday

Feeling a cold coming on. I HATE sick people and do not wish to become one. In fact, I PRIDE myself on my ability to not get sick. So the somewhat sore throat and the sort of sniffling is bothering me. I last had a bit of a cold around Christmas. I should have kept my distance from all of those elderly ladies who have retired along with me. What was I thinking?!?!?

At least the sun is shining. Sprung a new leak in my ceiling and am hoping it only happens when it is pouring? Usually hoping does no good with roof leaks and they rarely get better.

Don't know if I am going to be able to SING tonight. Choir practice at 7:30 PM. Taking wipes. I probably CAUGHT a cold from those stupid chimes. I seem to be the only one who cares about cleaning them off.

Bacon cupcakes?

Someone offered me a bacon cupcake, but I declined. Am trying to get back to my sensible eating because.....a woman I used to work with looks and feels FANTASTIC....I am going on a trip with much walking and MOUNTAINS.

I'm not much into April fool's pranks but here is what they did at my health club to the boss...put yellow crime tape across his door. When he opens the door to his office he will find it FULL of pink balloons. They were blowing up the balloons when I was there for exercise this AM.

Book of ages : the life and opinions of Jane Franklin, by Jill Lepore: A biography of the youngest sister of Benjamin Franklin. She lived a life quite in contrast to her brother and they did not spend much time together but did correspond throughout their lives. She was not very literate. She loved to read but had limited access to books. Her spelling was a bit iffy as she was never schooled. She spent her life bearing children, many of whom died young. She kept a Book of ages, wherein she recorded the births and deaths of family members.

Get rich carefully, by James J. Cramer: I like Jim Cramer and the way he yells his advice on the TV. The book is much more serious and I just scanned it for ideas about companies. There is no way I am going to take the time and energy required to be as careful as he is figuring out where to invest. I think that I would rather just follow his advice! He recommends listening to conference calls of CEO's and doing complicated charting.

The burglary : the discovery of J. Edgar Hoover's secret FBI, by Betty Medsger: This book was recommended by a friend and it all happened 40 years ago in Media, Pa. Really near me, but I didn't know any of the people. I was involved in the peace movement and the anti-war movement and these were the groups targeted by the FBI. The burglary brought to light the actions of the FBI quite reminiscent of the NSA revelations of today. The identity of the people involved in the burglary has remained secret for many years, but is exposed in this book. I still don't know any of them. Ended up skimming a bit near the end. I think I am more of a fiction person.